Slugfest 2017

The Ooey Gooey Mess in Everett

Safe on the hopper.

Before you can understand what’s happening at the Everett Team Track, you’ll need to understand what’s been happening up the line in Packsaddle (Pinery) Narrows.

Cleveland Valley & Terminal 2100 on the Everett Team Track.

Shortly after Valley Energy began experimenting with its new plasma energy generator, locals started reporting all manner of oddities. Strange sounds, unusual smells, and odd creatures to name a few.  But, until last week, the rest of the Valley dismissed the reports as nonsense from a bunch of backwood bumpkins.

Living large in Packsaddle Narrows.

What changed? Well, some of that backwood’s nonsense managed to escape the Narrows. It came by way of a rickety old freight car on its way to the scrap yard. A brief stop in Everett was just long enough for a few unusually slimy stowaways to ooze into the lives of the upstanding citizens of Everett.

Ignoring the problem only made it worse.

At first, folks in Everett tried to ignore the problem.

We’re with the government, and we’re here to help.

Then government experts arrived and tried to impress the problem with fancy credentials, regulations and consequential words.

You just cannot intimidate a slug.

Law enforcement stepped up and tried to strong arm the beasts.

The idea of domesticating slugs is absurd.

A few kind souls even tried to domesticate the creatures.

Chopping up the problem is a messy job.

Unfortunately, nothing seemed to work.

Over the weekend, the level of engagement escalated. Men from Jaite, fearing the slugs could soon make their way across the river, came to Everett with plans to hack up the gooey invertebrates.

Unfortunately, nothing they did seemed to work.

Morton Salt – windblown.

That brings us to Team Track Tuesday. In a last-ditch effort to save their town from the slimy slugs, Everett trustees ordered two emergency carloads of Salt from the Morton mines in Rittman.

This is where our long story meets a quick, sizzling and rather disgusting end.

Pass the salt, please.

Using the distraction of sticks beating against galvanized garbage can lids, residents heaved piles of premium salt at the critters, thus ending slugfest 2017.

Father of three amazing boys and husband to their wonderful mother. Advocate for non-traditional education, and an outspoken critic of public schools.

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